In this dramatic journal entry, a 20-year-old Jhumki describes her mindset as she pulled herself back from the edge following a grievous personal tragedy in 1998. What she went through that year had a huge impact on her psyche and future direction in life.
This is the sound of my voice, the sound of my body, my will, my ability to ponder and struggle and spring back into life, to see detachment and self-discipline, to grow from doing my best and being individually successful to inspiring success, creativity and satisfaction in others so the things I care about are better achieved.
There is a garden to be grown, stories to be told, hands-on activities to be created, a journal to be turned into a scrapbook, coffee to be had with Kritika at Prolific Oven, mountains to climb with Ranga, a coolness and calm and personality to cultivate, an interesting job to be done well, panic to sort through and reduce and overcome, realistic goals to set, an acceptance of sifting through anger and grief and rage and sadness and vulnerability and foolishness and irresponsibility and dependence to be had – to feel these through, accept the reality of these situations and failings, accept that they have happened and how they feel so the light comes.
“Be patient and you will have what you want.”
A steely center to move through life, a sense of purpose without reaching immortality or special recognition in the universe.
Sense of purpose in all events and will to pursue that purpose.
Wisdom to rest, retreat, feel and then detach when other peoples’ voices overwhelm.
Then wait for my own voice to speak.
This is the sound of my voice.